NONE OF THIS IS TRUE
I am an avid house cleaner
one drop of dust, and I pounce.
I practice only what I preach
especially when it comes to cuticle care.
I paint my nails at least three times a day.
It’s not because I’m indecisive about color,
I just enjoy the process.
And the smell of acetone.
I don’t care what you think of me.
I’ll wear the gold lame cat suit
if it suits me.
I own two of them.
They remind me of the Oscars
and my love for awards shows.
I never miss them.
Especially when animals are involved.
I spend my free time at zoos.
You’ll find me with the ostrich.
Or ostriches, if you prefer.
I did not have to look up the plural
for ostrich to know
just how much we have in common.